So I attempted to bust out a Vlog today…but, my internet is too slow and it is just not letting me upload it! Instead I will quickly (or not quickly) write about all of the fun details of stresses which have been plaguing me…the same stresses I come to every few months! Sometimes it just takes a lecture, some ranting, some relating, and then some reasoning to get through it and back on the path to happyland!
After moving across the world, living out of a suitcase for nearly 3 months and now getting settled into our new home, I reached my breaking point. The breaking point that you see when there is a mom in a shopping center in near tears as her kids are going nuts….that was me last Friday. Between Gavin being sick, Eric being gone 14 hours a day, us being in a new area with no English and nothing nearby (unless you drive), rain that kept us trapped in the house, it was all just a little too much. I had my days organized, a routine set loosely that we followed pretty well, and some ideas up my sleeve to keep the boys entertained. It just was not enough to keep me in a place where I could relax AND enjoy the new experiences. I was overloading myself with lists of things I needed to get done, workouts I wanted to complete, pounds I wanted to lose, vocabulary I needed to learn (German), baking that needed to be done…the list(s) just went on and on. I was giving myself anxiety attacks just from looking at the lists, or even just from trying to keep calm and easy breezy when I was really feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.
It helped me to talk to a friend and get that affirmation that it is okay to have my kids watch some tv, if it means we are all happy and calm…their brains will NOT rot out of their heads. Besides, my son chooses Magic School Bus, and the only things Gavin will enjoy are Baby Einstein and Baby Signing Time videos. I was able to relate to someone in a similar situation and it helped me not feel crazy or worse, like a bad mother. I know my kids are good kids, they are kind and caring….they just need a little more attention than others. They like being involved with whatever I am doing, and I need to appreciate that rather than worry it will slow me down. I was able to see the fun in Gavin playing with all of my baking supplies, rather than worry I would need to re-wash everything. I could laugh at them playing loudly and over the top, because that was making them happy and really, noise is OKAY!! I won’t feel badly that I want to shut the door and read while they are resting so I can rest instead of rushing to complete more chores on my list. I have never been a SAHM to two kids, only one, so this is new to me. It is also new to me to not be near the parks, stores, play areas, etc that come from living in a larger community. HOWEVER, I live in a nice country side where I plan to find walking areas for us to enjoy, berry patches for us to pick, a play ground of our own that we can create in our large backyard, cardboard play houses we can make with moving boxes and paint. There are more things available than I could realize in the throes of my stress!
Thanks to my amazing Canadian friends (plus the Cdn living in Aussie) for once again letting me vent, stress, appear crazy, and just feel what I needed to feel in order to move on! These are vicious cycles my friends (trying to care for everyone else, except yourself and then how that ultimately cancels out all of the hard work that exhausted you in the first place because you end up a tired hot mess), so let’s get through them together! What cycles do you suffer from? What leaves you a hot mess in public (work, school, with kids)? How do you get through it?
…. please, share your cycles and solutions 🙂