Some people can communicate their thoughts, feelings, and needs effortlessly and without offense. Others, can be hard-headed, quick-tongued, and impatient when trying to communicate. I am sure there are a few other forms of communication personalities out there but this is about….the second one!!!
I get over-emotional, frustrated or hot-tempered when trying to communicate any form of weakness or insecurity I may have. If there is a problem, I wear my feelings on my sleeve (good or bad). I am not good at hiding what is really going on, it shows all over my face and in my actions. If I feel like I am trying to explain my feelings and the other person is interrupting, or down-playing my feelings, I prefer to shut down. I don’t like continuing when I know it will lead to MORE miscommunication, exaggerated sarcasm, and basically, no resolution. You know…those conversations when you KNOW it is going to end in a fight, you know that is is heading down the wrong path, and you know there is going to be no solution!
My way of dealing with people can be pretty ineffective when I cannot communicate the way I want. It is very hard for me to listen and not be able to say what I want in response. When dealing with a person who does not actively listen (just interrupts and down-plays), I tend to do one of two things. One: I call them out for it, get sarcastic, get angry, and then give the “whatever, I am done” line before shutting down….
Or two- I feel bullied, targeted and then I start crying. This is when I basically feel like I am being called a failure (even if that is not what is being said), or being told I am not good enough in one way or another. These times bring up insecurities and tend to just hit me right in the emotional socket! I find it hard to say anything and then just pretty much sit there as if taking a free beating (easy target). The conversation ends with me feeling low, beat-down, and very insecure. I am left emotionally drained.
There have been a lot of (mis)communication conversations taking place in my life lately, and let’s just say I have been feeling like a bit of a beating bag. I am really feeling like anything I say is being judged, disregarded, and considered irrelevant. I am needing to dig in to find that inner spit-fire who stands up for herself- not with anger or harsh words, but with confidence in my ability to get my thoughts across and know that they matter. It is a hard road to walk down when trying to communicate with others who are very similar to you; however, taking a step back and really knowing what you want to achieve with the conversation, can help you stay on track. After taking a breather and refreshing my communication skills library, I am ready to tackle a touchy subject, keep my composure and add a NEW, more effective, communication personality to my list! If you want change, you have to first change something within yourself!
What is your communication personality? How do you handle difficult conversations or subjects? What do you do when you do to overcome an emotional beat down?